You would think someone who lives life on air, in front of everyone, and who meets and interacts with strangers on an everyday basis would be an extrovert. The truth is I would very much consider myself an introvert the older and older I get. Even more so, I would say that I don’t do a great job making or maintaining friends.
I would consider myself a very friendly person but the older I get I become a bit more reserved. Because of that, even though I meet lots of people, I think I make plenty of acquaintances but not really friends. Part of is being more reserved but one of my strengths, and weaknesses, is how wrapped up I get in to the things I’m doing. My job, hobbies and interests, along with a great girl, take up a lot of my time. It makes it really easy to just keep to myself when I have some time.
I think I could offer up plenty of advice to making friends, but the truth is I think I ultimately keep what I have very guarded. My three closest friends I met in Kindergarten, sixth grade and freshmen year of high school, and they’ve been my closest since and still. Since I get so easily wrapped up, and moving away we definitely barley hang out and actually talk very rarely. But because they’re in my inner circle we have an understanding and nothing changes.
Therein lies the problem. I have a family member I’ve watched go through the middle stages off their life with no social life and that always scared me. Would I end up like that because of how isolated I get some times? Let’s not forget the normal fear everyone goes through when they’re single for a stretch and think ‘Maybe I’ll always be alone?’ I’ve lost plenty of sleep from those thoughts but that’s what makes my inner circle so tight and important. They’ve been there for me time and time again that I never want to risk that.
I’ve seen it risked before as well. A girl got in the middle once upon a time and fractured that group for awhile. At the time I was being dumb and hard-headed but we recovered, and never again do I want that to happen. In fact I had another friend circle in college that absolutely got torched because of a girl and it never recovered. Even other friends in high school we grew apart and that was the end of it. I never wanted to go back for my high school reunion, nor do I think I ever will want to, because of it.
When it comes to work I’ve been burned in the past before opening up only to realize I shouldn’t have trusted people. Because of that I’m often very reserved at work, even to the point that people think I don’t like them and ask around. That’s honestly what makes Producer Butterz and McCall so special because I would consider them very close friends which has never really been the case in the past. Honestly, because of them I’m probably more open with co-workers now.
I wrote a blog in the past about how bad I am at Watering the Seeds. Friends that I do have I get really bad at texting and seeing how they’re doing. This is probably my biggest probably because if you don’t maintain the relationship then the relationship can’t really blossom and that’s why my inner circle stays the inner circle, because we became so tight long ago and they understand. Professionally I try to network but do fall short when it comes to watering the seeds because out of sight out of mind and I get so wrapped up in my life.
I do really like my life; career, hobbies, relationship and friends but I do realize the shortcoming that is making friends. My brother has moved just as much as I do and made friends all over the country he visits. Who wouldn’t want that but when it comes to making friends I’m just not the greatest at it. I have recently gotten better at and hopefully I can continue to build that and have a network of friends wherever I go.